Pagan Heart Curious Bat

My good friend Deerheart has been bugging me to do a personal page for a while, so now I'm finally getting round to it…here goes.

On this site I call myself The Curious Bat or just Bat. My name is Emily.

I am a Pagan, and I say this proudly and contentedly. I have always had a belief in a great power that ran through our earth and been intrigued by things alternative and astrological, but until only very recently have I pinned down my beliefs and announced my faith. As a child I thought I was a Christian, as at the age of seven what other religions do you know? I knew I believed something and wanted to make it a bigger part of my life, so I was christened. My parents are agnostic and have never pressured me any way, but they were happy to help me embrace my choice. I knew actually very little about the religion and the more I learnt as I got older, the more I began to get an uneasy sense I had made a mistake. I kept seeing things I disagreed with, I never prayed or felt very religious and I began to feel guilty. After making the choice myself, how could I turn around and say it was wrong?

So I just lived saying that I was a Christian but always feeling a nagging voice that told me it was wrong. I felt very guilty, but I never did anything about it. I might have lived my entire life this way if I hadn't found Paganism. I have to say at this point; thank you to my friend River Daughter, as she is a beautifully weird person with Pagan connections, and I think she is the person most responsible for introducing me to the path. Her and Deerheart had taken an interest in Paganism, as Deerheart explains in her personal page and they did research and talked about it loads. I was intrigued by the talk of nature and cycles, and as I found out more I became suddenly excited. It was as if I reading about my personal beliefs, written down in books and on websites. The more I knew the more I wanted to know, and realised it mirrored my beliefs.

After quite a while of learning about the religion in it's many forms I was certain. It was amazing; I did not discover a new faith, I found the name for what I had believed all along. You cannot become a Pagan, you are one. It felt like it was made for me, it was a perfect fit. I began to see the spirit of the earth or the God and Goddess all around me, in nature and in people. After a few months of many revelations and excitement we decided to initiate ourselves, and it was one of the best choices I've ever made.

We had an amazing little ceremony in a small patch of woodland by River Daughter's Father Oak, and it was so beautiful. It was informal and personal, but we opened our hearts to the God and Goddess and they rushed into our souls and filled us with their love. We all reacted to the connection differently; I released a lot of built up emotion and was crying and shaking for a while afterwards. It was definitely one of the best days of my life, and I don't remember feeling anything like it at my formal, mundane christening. I had found a way to express my respect for nature and love for other creatures, and I now live happy with my decision and with a strong sense of peace.

I truly believe that life is always connected with cycles and circles, and of course the magic number three, and that everyone has a soul that is connected by the spirit of the earth. We are each a little feather in the wings of one great energy, the soul of life itself, and when we die the energy in our souls that kept us alive is used to create new life. All of life is equal and intertwined, and to me life is all the magic and miracles I could ask for.

That's about it really. I hope any agnostics out there find their true paths too, whatever that may be, and they should feel comfort in the fact that they are already walking it, they just don't know what it is yet. You don't need a name or a label to live your life in a good way, by your own values and your own rules. Just be yourself.

I could go on forever about beliefs and equality and suchlike, but I'll spare you all that.

I can't do this page without saying thank you to Deerheart and River Daughter, my sister souls who are walking the path beside me. I love you both.

A final thanks to Dark and Emmy for this brilliant site; it is a great place to find information, connect with people and express yourself.